Since I announced the launch of the Devo-minus campaign, I have been inundated by those interested in signing up to help. Hundreds, no tens, sorry, ten people have expressed an interest in joining myself and Alan Cochrane (Scottish editor of the Daily Telegraph) as devo-minus activists.
We are campaigning for much less talk about Scottish devolution, devo-max, devo-plus and independence, on the grounds that this media obsession north of the border is becoming very, very boring. Indigenous Scottish newspapers had circulation problems before this latest round of constitutional navel-gazing started. Will there be any readers left after wall to wall coverage in the 1000 (!!!!) days leading up to voting in Alex Salmond’s referendum?
In England there is also concern. Current affairs programmes with all sort of important things to discuss – the absence of growth in the UK economy, the rise of China, potential armageddon in the Eurozone, the horse lent to Rebekah Brooks by the Met, Steve Hilton’s preference for not wearing socks – are having to divert resources to organising long discussions with guests from Scotland about the Barnet formula and various historical slights both real and imagined. It cannot be good for ratings, and it is trying the patience of tolerant English voters.
So it is imperative that we act.
Ian Smart from Edinburgh got in touch to suggest a new Radio 4 panel game in which four Scottish journalists have to talk for thirty minutes without mentioning devolution or more powers for the Scottish parliament. A system of forfeits could be introduced, with panellists losing points on a sliding scale based on the gravity of the offence. A small mention of Donald Dewar would cost only one point, but a full-blown reference to precisely which tax-powers would go to Holyrood under devo-max would see the contestant lose all points and have to sing a verse of something by Runrig, Lulu or the Bay City Rollers. I have forwarded this idea to a friend at the BBC in London.
A leading opponent of the Nationalists is worried though. He phones me from a safe-house in the West of Scotland: “Leave it. People banging on boringly about devolution and independence is actually going to damage the Nats. Eventually it will turn off lots of voters and make them vote for the Union for some peace and quiet. And to wipe the grin off Salmond’s face. Devo-minus might be too successful. In limiting the amount of hot-air talked about devolution it might make people eventually forget how boring it is and in this way help the SNP. You see?”
Yes, that was always going to be a worry for those of us in Devo-minus. Contrary to popular belief in England, only a tiny minority of Scots are journalists or politicians. A great many normal people north of the border could be attracted to the idea of hearing less about devolution. It is perfectly possible that if we are successful at Devo-minus, and achieve our aims, many Scots may, in time, forget how boring constitutional matters are and in several years vote for independence, possibly by mistake.
It is a risk we are going to have to take.
Is this a pan-UK campaign? I only ask because hearing nothing about Scotland, whether about the Constitution or anything else, is the norm in the mainstream British media.
Its bewildering that it should be led by Cochrane, though, as he’s written about nothing other than the SNP day in day out for an eternity. The term “single-issue obsessive” describes him perfectly.
Maybe you should advise him to follow his advice. Will he do that? Not a chance.
Mr Ratzo, thank you. (Not your real name, I presume). You must be listening to different UK news programmes from me. The Today programme features Jim Naughtie interviewing Magnus Linklater. Johann Lamont was on the other day and it was wall to wall across the TV networks when Cameron made his recent speech. Salmond gets a lot of coverage too. You must be getting your news from Channel 5 or BBC Three, which runs those bulletins that last just 20 seconds.
Not sure this devo-minus thing will work. How’s DUEMA going?
I think that the surest way to ensure that the worthy people of the Great Wen and its surrounds never again have to suffer the indignity of being informed – I use the word loosely for want of a better one – about Scotland is for the Scots to vote Yes. That way Scotland could be ignored properly, rather like Norway or Iceland or Ireland, news reports being limited to disasters and such like. Happy is the land that never makes the news pages of the London press.
As somebody with not the slightest interest in this “devo-plus” thing; who sees it as no kind of threat to the independence campaign; but who nonetheless welcomes all potentially constructive contributions to the debate, may I offer a bit of advice. Get shot of that Alan Cochrane – or “Poor Old Cockers” as he is better known among those who, driven by morbid fascination, occasionally glance at the stuff he spews onto the pages of The Torygraph. The man fairly oozes the bitter, resentful, hate-fuelled British nationalist bile that decent people shun like the plague.
Oh! And by the way, it is not “Alex Salmond’s referendum”. It is ours. It belongs to the people of Scotland. If you can’t even get that much right then you probably don’t have anything constructive to contribute. And maybe you’d be as well to hang on to Poor Old Cockers. He may not be great company. But better than nothing, I suppose.
LOL – nice response – is ianmartin1 your real name, btw? Also, its ratzo, lower case, as above, my real name for cybernatting purposes, and, erm, “MR”, what’s that all about then?
All weird nitpickery aside (you started it) I notice you blinked, rather than defend the Telegraph’s resident monomaniac….
ratzo (I hope that’s right; I think it is): I once observed to Cochrane at a Highland wedding – replete with kilts and pipers – that being Scottish was a full-time job. He agreed. I think he and Alex Salmond are now mutually-dependant. One could not exist without the other. But the thing is, both are sincere. Each of them believes that he and he alone is right in the matter of Scotland’s future. They are locked in an ancient struggle, like a sperm whale and a giant squid, until one of them achieves victory. The rest of us can only marvel.
Walter Ellis, thank you for your lovely anecdote but alas, since according to the host details matter, and you do yourself appear a little anxious about this, I feel compelled to point out that dependent is spelt with an e, not an a
Actually, I say this with some dismay, because of course, no-one likes a smart-arse.
Ratz!
Given that being ‘bored’ with something seems to be a euphemism for being viscerally opposed to the idea, could I just officially announce that I am terribly bored with Trident and Tory rule, and would like much less of both?