Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter) has dumped the Lib Dems and gone over to Labour. Ed Miliband thinks this is magic.
All along Harry had known there was something he didn’t like about Nick Clegg. It wasn’t just the cynical way he had promised to block an increase in tuition fees at Hogwarts, before changing his mind like a shot when he was offered the job of deputy headmaster. No, there was more to it than that. Something about his high-minded speeches, and their hectoring moral tone, got on Harry’s nerves.
Ron thought that Clegg had put the headmaster, Mr Cameron, under an evil spell. Hermione disagreed: “It is all smoke and mirrors. It suits Cameron to have a second-rater as his deputy, as Mr Clegg is so busy enjoying the status that he won’t, really, when it comes down to it, ever cause serious problems for the headmaster.”
Harry no longer cared about any of that. All he knew was that he had had enough of Mr Clegg. He took a deep breath and decided that the moment had come to confide in his friends: “Neither of you must tell a soul yet, but I’m going over to the other side. I’m joining Labour.”
Ron, in the middle of working out an extremely complicated spell designed to silence John Bercow, almost dropped his wand.
“But isn’t Ed Miliband connected to the Dark Lord? He whose name cannot be mentioned for fear that his twisted wizardry might distort and ultimately destroy the universe?”
Harry scoffed: “No, they hate each other. And anyway, the Dark Lord? Lord Mandelson hasn’t had any real power for years. There is no way he’s coming back.”
Hermione looked doubtful: “I wouldn’t be so sure Harry. They have written off the Dark Lord many times before, and he has always reappeared when it is least expected.”
Ron was angry now: “Harry, how could you even think about joining Labour? Look at their record in government. The failure to regulate Gringotts Wizarding Bank led to a complete breakdown of the financial system. And Labour spent all that money rebuilding Hogwarts, putting on a shiny new roof and redecorating the Great Hall, but there was very little improvement in teaching standards or results.
Hermione : “I agree with Ron. That spell that Mr Brown did – endofboomandbustaramus – really didn’t work. You’ve also got to think about the war against the axis of evil.”
But Harry would not be diverted. Smug Mr Cameron must be stopped and if Mr Clegg wouldn’t do it, then that left only one man:
“There’s something plucky about Mr Miliband that I like. Even though everyone says he’s useless, that he looks like a geek and that his spells are all outdated, I’m going to give him a chance. I think he can defeat Mr Cameron.”
Ron shook his head: “Harry, you’re making a big mistake. It would take all sorts magical special powers that just don’t exist. Mr Miliband is never going to be headmaster.”